By Shirley Farmer 
“Non-monogamy is about honesty – first with ourselves and then with others,” says Diogo Varo. The show, which will premiere between the two lovers in November, aims to entertain, but also show people that polygamy has nothing to do with horny men and lewd women, but is much more “a political way of being in life.”
Joana Brito Silva and Diogo Varo have been together for two years. She is an actress and director, and he is a comedian and actor Influencer. They had mutual friends, and had actually met in the art world, but they started talking on Instagram. “We agreed to have a drink, then another drink. It all happened organically. It’s not a very original story,” he says. They have been in a consensual non-monogamous relationship for two years, which some also call polyamory. For them, this means that even though they are each other’s main partner, there is a possibility of them both having other relationships. It is important to say “for them” because, unlike monogamous and closed relationships, in which there is only one model of the relationship, in open relationships there are as many possibilities, as many as the people involved want.
“I think we were lucky to find each other at a time when we felt like this was what we wanted,” Diogo says. For him, discovering non-monogamy is a path he’s followed for some time: “I felt like I wanted to be with a lot of people, but I didn’t want to be labeled as a macho, heartthrob, a player. I didn’t want to be praised for being with so many women. I like to be with a lot of people, that’s all. I thought it should be a natural thing, as long as there was consent from all parties. So I started studying the topic and realized it was possible.”
Joanna came from a series of very long closed relationships, but they always ended because she met someone else and she was torn. He says: “The answer that society had to give me was that there was a problem with me, because I was the one who did not know how to be loyal and loving, and I was wrong in liking several people.” . “When we met, I really came from a difficult place psychologically, where I didn’t feel identified with this idea of forever love, but also without knowing that there were alternatives. In conversations with Diogo, I started to realize that it was possible, until it was very clear to me that I I want to try it, even if it’s a shot in the dark. It’s our first open relationship – for both of us. To this day it’s a challenge. But I already know that I identify with this way of life,” says Joanna.
In the group of friends, Joana and Diogo’s relationship aroused curiosity. At dinner parties, even today, there’s always someone who wants to know how it’s done, if they’re jealous, if there are rules. “Everyone has a lot of questions, and since we are both artists, I like theater more, and Diogo is more interested stand up“The idea of doing a show about this came about,” she says. “That’s how it happened.”Baby, I want to kiss more people“, the show that will premiere on November 15 at the Teatro Villare, in Lisbon, where they talk about their relationship and what polygamy is.
Diogo Varo has no doubts: “Monogamy is not natural in humans. Sociologists and even biologists do not argue that monogamy is natural. I believe that there is nothing in the genes, everything is built. But it is not wrong either,” this is important. . What’s interesting is that we come to the conclusion that all the relationships are true. We have to ask ourselves if we are doing something because it is truly what we want or if it is because society tells us that this is the way it should be.” (You are going against how you feel.) If you doubt yourself and if you feel good about your choice, Whatever it is, everything is fine.”
The problem is a bit like this: Few people truly doubt themselves, Joanna warns. As if we are conditioned to accept certain things as normal and others not. “When I was in closed relationships and mentioned to my friends that I was attracted to someone else or even that I had cheated, that was better socially accepted than saying that I was in a consensual open relationship. Cheating is considered normal,” he says. “But there is a lot of skepticism about open relationships and that.” Strange.” Society and culture constantly tell us that the ideal romantic love is between two people who meet, have children, and live happily ever after. “Disney movies, romantic comedies, Hollywood movies, pop music — everything tells us that we should look for Prince Charming and that When there is betrayal, we should feel sad. Society does not give us a chance to hold ourselves accountable. “Getting to the interrogation place would be good,” says Joana Brito Silva.
Diogo explains that this is the goal of this show as well: “The show has interesting moments, but we try to convey a lot of information, without being ted talk. We don’t tell people what to do, but we want them to ask themselves. “We try to make it funny, but at the same time informative.” “And make it accessible to everyone,” Joanna adds. “Some of the more informed people may find it simplistic, but for those who have never thought about it, it can be transformative,” she says. Include.
“The message we want to send is that there are lots of things you can do, different ways of life, and as long as we are all adults and all parties involved are on board with what is happening, the relationships are all valid,” he concludes. Diogo Varo.
After announcing the show, the duo received a lot of comments and reactions. Some are more positive and others are more negative, of course. “There were people who would say that we have animal instincts or that we cannot control ourselves,” says Joana Brito Silva. There are those who believe that a man who has multiple women is a macho man, and that a woman who has multiple men is a prostitute. “There is still a certain rotten conservatism,” Diogo Varo admits.
But they also realized that there was enormous curiosity regarding the topic, even if not everyone expressed it. “It’s really hard to be an adult in 2023 and have never felt attracted to more than one person at a time, or never questioned certain relationships. So I think people understand what we’re talking about and empathize with it,” he believes. Joanna. “I know a lot of people who cheated, were cheated on or wanted to cheat, people who had sham marriages and then had other relationships, people who got divorced because of cheating and maybe they just had to talk about what they were feeling and finding ‘another solution,’” Diogo explains.
“We get jealous, like everyone else, but over time and as our relationship progresses, we work through it,” Joanna explains. Jealousy also diminishes because you start to understand where your jealousy comes from and what it represents – “It’s always the fear of losing someone you really care about.” “So you realize that just because he’s going to dinner with someone else or even having sex with someone else doesn’t mean you’re going to lose him.”
“People quickly assume that non-monogamy is about how many people you live with, but it’s actually a political way of living life. You can be non-monogamous and be alone, or be with just one partner – but your way of life is being and looking at… Relationships are two different things. Diogo adds: “Non-monogamy is about being honest – first with ourselves. It’s about not having to hide our desires. Assuming that we have many desires, desires change throughout life. But it’s also about being honest with others, whether they’re like you’re the main partner or not. You need to respect others and know how to communicate with partners.